Today was quite an eventful day. I successfully, ok not completely, but 80% managed to divert my thoughts about boyboy and frm 12pm-930pm was in my own little world, with good tuition kids, and their loved ones, talking and mingling away, and met my dear mavis for dinner and had a short chat. It felt really gd, every outing with her feels like it was the first…..
Den, towards 9pm HE msged, that’s when I started thinking about how he was.. and he called to ask where I was and all, nice of him :) he was telling me how I had told him tuition ends at 8pm, and was wondering if he could fetch me back, but since I was out and he already took the expressway towards home, he said “well another time then..its ok.”… how nice of him rite. i mean its the thought that counts.
and yeah, was telling Mavis about him today. She was like asking me “how???”. I said, “huh what how? Theres nothing to how about. We are just gd close friends…” and she said hmm. Well all that I want from him is his genuine care and concern and his ever flowing bubbliness. And yeah, I told him promptly I was heading back home and he said ok I just took my bath am going to eat now. Nice. Den as I was heading back, I asked him if he had eaten, he said yes baby. So unlike him to use that word, but he did. So den, I gave him a call, it was 11.10pm, called once, no answer. Called another two times after 10mins, stil he never picked up. Sent him a msg. And I decided he was reallyyy sound aslp. Poor boy, slept so early, He must have had a long and tiring day..
And you know that gdfornothing friend I had. He disappeared like 18th Feb I think, or was it earlier, to seremban with his friends. That week I was unwell, and yet I was smsing him asking how he was, NO REPLY. Till thurs he said he just got back after going to Msia with his friends..apparently last min planned. I said I was really angry with him and I was wondering how come no news from him and all….den thurs fri sat sun. He decided to msg me on sun asking me if I was stil angry..and he said sorry. I said, well ive been pretty lonely and unwell, but u took so long to reply me, might as well not reply right….and well, I saw him online, like 2-3 days back. He said hey. I said, yeah u wont reply right? He said, so sorry, I just saw my phone, it was in my pocket. I said,” where was the boy I knew before who wld reply so quickly and also msg to check on me and see how I was..?? I have nothing to say.”.. den he went offline, I thought he got dc.
Den today, 11plus I logged on. Was online for a min, scrolled thru my online friends list, and I saw him happily online. And the next min, he went offline. Hmmm. Fishy. Whats that supposed to mean. 1. he didn’t wanna talk to me? 2. he just happened to go offline when I logged in 3. Does he hate me for something I didn’t particularly do?. Goodness me, I have no clue. We were friends since Dec. and After 2.5 months, what has happened. The bond we shared has fragmented, I cant see any head or tail joined together now. Everything looks disfigured and faded. I have no idea seriously, I just hope time will tell me Im thinking too much. So honestly, I swear, the only guy friend I have now, in talking and smsing mode, is this BOY. Is that sad? I dunno what has happened, why I lose ppl like that, but sometimes I don’t care especially when ive done nothing wrong. If u choose to live your life as such, I have much better things to do too. The next thing I wonder is will I ever get to watch He is just not that into you, with any proper male species in the days to come? Why a male, is cos my Gfs have watched it already. They are fast, unlike me. Sheesh.
Every day passes by, it seems quite blank to me. No real motivation except books, papers and my pending assignments. Tomorrow I thought of hanging out with my permanent Bf, my Mummy. I love her no matter how much we fight, and we have nice cosy moments together… Unlike me and my dad, bicker and bicker only. Cos HE starts first ok. Anyway, I feel like some O level kid having NO Life and resorting to small, simple, lonely pleasures in life. Suddenly, the fact about going for a movie with some nice boy is overwhelming me. I don’t think ill ever get that chance, but im not going to bother if it doesn’t happen. Am I the revathy who is turning 23 in 6mths time? What has happened to my life? When ppl get older, its supposed to get more fulfilling, satisfying, and of course happening. Mine is going downhill. Im getting more bored, feeling that life is more routine, staying online more rather than headed out of home, I Go out ONLY for tuition, and I come back straight and sleep long hours. AM I going mad? I have been so homebound this holidays, and of course falling ill because I sleep a lot??? Argh. Theres a nice pleasant song playing in my headphones… Mudhal Murai Unnai partha Pothu…Yummy.
Gd nite.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
what a day. started with me losing my voice.
Day 3. I lost my voice early in the day. But, after 2 hours, I fully recovered, cos no choice I had to go give tuition. 2 kids were relying on me…….BIG TIME. The first person I told about this shocking news is that boy…..
And, while I was trying my best to stay strong, and put up a strong front to my kids, I could feel myself crumbling little by little as the night crept in. Sigh. I was wondering how am I going to endure the long ride back… And the bus wasn’t anywhere in sight. And my dear boy called, surprised to hear his energetic voice. Asked me where I was, and said “ill come fetch u back home”. I was like Omg, really. And kept thinking whether I shld take up the offer. After 1 min, I said yes…And he said “just give me 10min revathy, ill be right there, let me put on my shirt first….” And he hung up. I was pretty happy he was coming all the way to bukit merah to fetch me back, cos I felt like I really needed the attention, from someone I guess…
And he came, reversing the car into the bus stop. I stepped in, there was a loud English music blaring, and he switched on his blue side headlights, omg, my eyes were gone. He started driving,FAST, as usual. But first thing he did was “ill show u where SGH mortuary is…..” I said omg, are u kidding me, He said “y are u so scared??”.. and he drove in, along the way some guy turned into his lane abruptly, and there was huge horning by both sides…oh god.
Yeah after that mini adventure, we were back on track, heading on the expressway…he started playing SpB Indian classics, cos I said I wasn’t a fan of English songs… then he was veering in from lane to lane, I was literally holding onto my seat. He saw this and said, Ure scared right… I said, OF course, ure riding very fast… He said, “But I know my limits, trust me. If I cant cruise from one lane to another, I wont do it..Ive been driving for so many years..i know the limits da.. “ I said “No matter how many years u have been doing this, when our time is not right, one day things can go wrong..i Just want u to understand that..” and he said “ok.. I shall go slow now, since you’re beside me, I better be careful..you’re just like my mum and sister lah…”…I was laughing. And den after a while I said “Hey, can u lower the aircon…” , he had this glum face and urned it all the way to zero..i said “thanks!”, he said, “U feel better??” I said, “yeah, the whole thing is zero now, feels good”, he said “but I cant take it!” and he opened his side window letting the air blast in…..And just when that was over, I told him “can u make the volume lower….”, he said “hmmm take this remote and do whatever u want with it.”, I said “great!”, and reduced it to a fairly audible level…. He looked glum again. I said”why so serious…”, he said “No da, nothing at all..” and smiled.. And den he opened his car drawer and showed me the bottle and tissue pack he was keeping..after the emcee show. I was like omgodding the whole time… Den my stop was nearing, he stopped, and I told him I appreciated him fetching me, and all, he didn’t reply. He just kept silent. And den as I got out, he looked at me and smiled, I said Gdnite, and told him to cut down smoking, he smiled.. and just looked. And I left.
And then the msging started… After an emotional session, why it was emotional u may ask.cos he asked me if I liked him, I said I do like him as person, and I felt we can be really gd close friends..and asked him doesn’t he feel the same way… and he said he loved me and he felt sad that I cld only treat him as my friend, and said if that’s the case then now onwards I will only be his gd friend since that’s what I wanted.. I was quite affected, (don’t ask me why…) plus I wasn’t really feeling well… my head started to ache too…so I msged him saying “ do not take my words seriously today, cos I am not feeling well. I have been feeling quite lousy for the past 2 wks, sick and all and quite lonely. And I ve wanted someone to show care and attention towards me, and I don’t want to lose you with the words I say…”, he said “I will never leave u cos till now you are the only one I keep close to my heart, love treasure co sure my saying and angel…”. I guess that was enough to me. I told him “ I know I disappoint a lot of me when it comes to the matters of the heart, what to do…..i am sorry if I didn’t say what u wanted to hear…” and I also told him ”we are all born alone, and we die alone, but inbetween a few ppl will be very close to us, and I want one of them to be you…”, he said “don’t bother about me now, go and slp now, late already…I miss u”.. and I said “how can I not bother about u , my thoughts are always about u. pls take care, and u also go rest soon, and have your meals properly. Don’t care about who all says ure fat…”..He said “no matter what I still love u, and I will be here for u always. And pls go slp well, tuck yourself in the blanket…gd nite. Sweet dreams dear..”…….
This is how it ended. Miraculously, I feel better already. The power of love, is this what they call it. I cant see myself living with him, or accepting him as my husband, but I do like the attention care and love he is showering me. Its funny, how it all started, but there must be a reason why things are going this way….What has God in store for us??
And, while I was trying my best to stay strong, and put up a strong front to my kids, I could feel myself crumbling little by little as the night crept in. Sigh. I was wondering how am I going to endure the long ride back… And the bus wasn’t anywhere in sight. And my dear boy called, surprised to hear his energetic voice. Asked me where I was, and said “ill come fetch u back home”. I was like Omg, really. And kept thinking whether I shld take up the offer. After 1 min, I said yes…And he said “just give me 10min revathy, ill be right there, let me put on my shirt first….” And he hung up. I was pretty happy he was coming all the way to bukit merah to fetch me back, cos I felt like I really needed the attention, from someone I guess…
And he came, reversing the car into the bus stop. I stepped in, there was a loud English music blaring, and he switched on his blue side headlights, omg, my eyes were gone. He started driving,FAST, as usual. But first thing he did was “ill show u where SGH mortuary is…..” I said omg, are u kidding me, He said “y are u so scared??”.. and he drove in, along the way some guy turned into his lane abruptly, and there was huge horning by both sides…oh god.
Yeah after that mini adventure, we were back on track, heading on the expressway…he started playing SpB Indian classics, cos I said I wasn’t a fan of English songs… then he was veering in from lane to lane, I was literally holding onto my seat. He saw this and said, Ure scared right… I said, OF course, ure riding very fast… He said, “But I know my limits, trust me. If I cant cruise from one lane to another, I wont do it..Ive been driving for so many years..i know the limits da.. “ I said “No matter how many years u have been doing this, when our time is not right, one day things can go wrong..i Just want u to understand that..” and he said “ok.. I shall go slow now, since you’re beside me, I better be careful..you’re just like my mum and sister lah…”…I was laughing. And den after a while I said “Hey, can u lower the aircon…” , he had this glum face and urned it all the way to zero..i said “thanks!”, he said, “U feel better??” I said, “yeah, the whole thing is zero now, feels good”, he said “but I cant take it!” and he opened his side window letting the air blast in…..And just when that was over, I told him “can u make the volume lower….”, he said “hmmm take this remote and do whatever u want with it.”, I said “great!”, and reduced it to a fairly audible level…. He looked glum again. I said”why so serious…”, he said “No da, nothing at all..” and smiled.. And den he opened his car drawer and showed me the bottle and tissue pack he was keeping..after the emcee show. I was like omgodding the whole time… Den my stop was nearing, he stopped, and I told him I appreciated him fetching me, and all, he didn’t reply. He just kept silent. And den as I got out, he looked at me and smiled, I said Gdnite, and told him to cut down smoking, he smiled.. and just looked. And I left.
And then the msging started… After an emotional session, why it was emotional u may ask.cos he asked me if I liked him, I said I do like him as person, and I felt we can be really gd close friends..and asked him doesn’t he feel the same way… and he said he loved me and he felt sad that I cld only treat him as my friend, and said if that’s the case then now onwards I will only be his gd friend since that’s what I wanted.. I was quite affected, (don’t ask me why…) plus I wasn’t really feeling well… my head started to ache too…so I msged him saying “ do not take my words seriously today, cos I am not feeling well. I have been feeling quite lousy for the past 2 wks, sick and all and quite lonely. And I ve wanted someone to show care and attention towards me, and I don’t want to lose you with the words I say…”, he said “I will never leave u cos till now you are the only one I keep close to my heart, love treasure co sure my saying and angel…”. I guess that was enough to me. I told him “ I know I disappoint a lot of me when it comes to the matters of the heart, what to do…..i am sorry if I didn’t say what u wanted to hear…” and I also told him ”we are all born alone, and we die alone, but inbetween a few ppl will be very close to us, and I want one of them to be you…”, he said “don’t bother about me now, go and slp now, late already…I miss u”.. and I said “how can I not bother about u , my thoughts are always about u. pls take care, and u also go rest soon, and have your meals properly. Don’t care about who all says ure fat…”..He said “no matter what I still love u, and I will be here for u always. And pls go slp well, tuck yourself in the blanket…gd nite. Sweet dreams dear..”…….
This is how it ended. Miraculously, I feel better already. The power of love, is this what they call it. I cant see myself living with him, or accepting him as my husband, but I do like the attention care and love he is showering me. Its funny, how it all started, but there must be a reason why things are going this way….What has God in store for us??
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Whirlwind ride.....
It’s a funny world. I was talking to that boy again. And today was our first conversation on the phone, like a proper one. We spoke, and suddenly his phone died. I tried calling but no answer, it was mysteriously off. How could it be off? And after a good 15minutes I heard his voice once again on the phone, “HE was Alive!” I sighed a big relief, but hey guess what, he dropped his phone into the sink. And the first thing I said was, “I feel like I am a bad luck to you…..”, and he muttered, “if ure going to say something like this, next time don’t call me lahh.”… and I said, “no..thats not my intention. Nvm. Leave it.”
And he explained how it all started. Many months back, he saw me at a rehearsal, and he could recall me wearing a brown top, jeans and a black shoe and bag. And nx time he saw me was yet another rehearsal, some green top with jeans. And apparently all those times, this other senior male singer kept telling him that he was found a match for him. HE on the other hand shrugged it off. Things were going like this, and he met me once again at another show, a wedding at khalsa. I was dressed in a greenish silver saree. He said he didn’t like my blouse, ha ha, it was halter. But nvm that’s besides the point here. He totally admired me and liked me, den he went backstage and told that senior male that he liked me. That senior told him “Why are u waiting for, go and tell her then!”…. And he confided in another men, Sara, about how he felt, but Sara told him many things….
1. In terms of educational attainments…you guys are poles apart. Are u sure things can work out?
2. Family background wise…..
3. Personality wise…hmmmm
4. Height wise! Ha ha.
So our boy went home to think about it. But he still confessed he liked me a lot. The most appalling thing that I heard today was 1. he brought back the bottle I had drunk from , after our last emcee show, 2. he even brought home the tissue I had used to wipe. I was completely amazed, and kept asking what was that supposed to mean. He said it was for remembrance, when he doesn’t get to see me, he will see those items that I had once used.
Completely OMG. Is this a movie?? maybe thats deep liking....u know, u start to do crazy stuff...
Well a lot of things said, he has gone now to buy a new phone, I had to hang up cos mummy will be back. That’s the story so far. Its funny really. He told me he was really irritated with me at one point, when I told me there is a limit to disturbances you know. He felt like crap for that moment, cos no one had told him so, ever. He even told his dad, but after that he felt like it was a wakeup call, I had woken his senses and his thoughts up. He said that he had compared with so many other girls, but somehow it was very different working with me. Our personalities were different, and he claimed that I was very direct, this will deter any guy from proposing to me! Ha ha. Exactly the effect I had wanted…..:)
I told him I like ppl who are frank with me, and tell me what I asked them. I don’t like people who beat around the bush or play hide and seeks with me, cos I believe for a relationship to be healthy, any relationship for that matter, there must be adequate disclosure, at appropriate times definitely.. This will keep the bond strong and there will be trust fostered on both sides. And so our journey goes, this sat will be our big bday programme.
vv
And he explained how it all started. Many months back, he saw me at a rehearsal, and he could recall me wearing a brown top, jeans and a black shoe and bag. And nx time he saw me was yet another rehearsal, some green top with jeans. And apparently all those times, this other senior male singer kept telling him that he was found a match for him. HE on the other hand shrugged it off. Things were going like this, and he met me once again at another show, a wedding at khalsa. I was dressed in a greenish silver saree. He said he didn’t like my blouse, ha ha, it was halter. But nvm that’s besides the point here. He totally admired me and liked me, den he went backstage and told that senior male that he liked me. That senior told him “Why are u waiting for, go and tell her then!”…. And he confided in another men, Sara, about how he felt, but Sara told him many things….
1. In terms of educational attainments…you guys are poles apart. Are u sure things can work out?
2. Family background wise…..
3. Personality wise…hmmmm
4. Height wise! Ha ha.
So our boy went home to think about it. But he still confessed he liked me a lot. The most appalling thing that I heard today was 1. he brought back the bottle I had drunk from , after our last emcee show, 2. he even brought home the tissue I had used to wipe. I was completely amazed, and kept asking what was that supposed to mean. He said it was for remembrance, when he doesn’t get to see me, he will see those items that I had once used.
Completely OMG. Is this a movie?? maybe thats deep liking....u know, u start to do crazy stuff...
Well a lot of things said, he has gone now to buy a new phone, I had to hang up cos mummy will be back. That’s the story so far. Its funny really. He told me he was really irritated with me at one point, when I told me there is a limit to disturbances you know. He felt like crap for that moment, cos no one had told him so, ever. He even told his dad, but after that he felt like it was a wakeup call, I had woken his senses and his thoughts up. He said that he had compared with so many other girls, but somehow it was very different working with me. Our personalities were different, and he claimed that I was very direct, this will deter any guy from proposing to me! Ha ha. Exactly the effect I had wanted…..:)
I told him I like ppl who are frank with me, and tell me what I asked them. I don’t like people who beat around the bush or play hide and seeks with me, cos I believe for a relationship to be healthy, any relationship for that matter, there must be adequate disclosure, at appropriate times definitely.. This will keep the bond strong and there will be trust fostered on both sides. And so our journey goes, this sat will be our big bday programme.
vv
Friday, February 20, 2009
pretty much eventful.
I did a ridiculous questionaire last night, and to my horror I got something like “my marriage age is 23”. Are u like freaking kidding me? That’s like in 6mths! Am I supposed to go insane from this minute. Pls.
Anyway, I realised its nearing a year since I last blogged. Time is flying too crazily fast. Ok I keep saying this in every entry and time somehow seems to speed up. Ive been nicely sick the past 2 days, my efforts at getting very much better have been foiled, as I woke up today with a bad nose, and bad throat and a bad stomach. What a lethal combination. I didn’t go for singing class, and as a matter of fact, I felt an ounce of guiltiness when I read the last blog. Esp the bit about how ive been going for singing classes more frequently. Why is it that my nose is always getting blocked, out of the blue? Is it my dad’s genes or because he invisibly passes ME the disease? Or I am just more susceptible to it? I think it’s a combination of factors, I have no clue how long I am supposed to tolerate this.
So yeah, back to the interesting bit about my life. Okay, whats so interesting about it? I ve been doing more outside performances, deepavali, bdays, weddings, ponggal, and also did emceeing. Some politics of singing was at work, people showing some attitude, and taking away my songs, and doing some underground and (overground) activity. You might be wondering what in the world is that? Well, they just shove u pleasing comments and expect u to embrace them almost instantaneously. They say you’re their hero, their star, wadever, and hence they use this as a tool to become your bestest friends. Best friends in this industry is bad. I feel, there should be a clear demarcation of your “rank”, “authority” and duties, from your peers, acquaintaces.
And here comes the funny bit. A boy, erm why I say this, cos he is 23, from the first time he saw me sing, cos he is a singer too, said he likes me. He disclosed me this after spotting me at shows, in which he happened to sing too, after maybe a gd 2-3 mths. He made this revelation in Dec via sms, a few days b4 new year’s day. I didn’t know how to react cos it completely took me off guard. I was thinking, is the cycle starting once again? He openly told me he may never get to be with me, but wanted to be gd frens with me, I said yeah sure why not. And things hit off from there. Nothing much happened till in Mid January, he wanted to pick me up from school, as I was heading towards Little India. He works in a Casket Company, but that particular day he was really free. (It is highly rare for him to shaking leg by the way). So he came, we talked for like 10mins during the ride, and before u knew it, at a traffic junction, he banged the taxi infront of him, lightly. I didn’t even realize it and that must be the joke of the year. The scene was quite nerve wrecking, you know its not everyday u get to witness these things first hand and while you’re uninjured….his number plate came off, his front got scratched and all that but the taxi driver and the taxi suffered nothing. We headed off to grab a quick Burger, but cldnt talk much as he kept getting calls from the taxi driver, the car workshop people, his father, and all .. what an eventful day. I on the other hand felt guilty, that he shld not have picked me up or come over to beach road, and so on. That incident became etched in my memory till today, which is the almost the end of Feb.
Now, we are good friends. A week back, we did an emcee show together. Yes we did have a lot of good chemistry, working with one another. He was relaxed Joe, and I was the fast paced lady at work. Nice combi. He gave me a plastic rose, during a 5min break backstage, and I was quite amused by it. I was observing him here and there,and he was doing his best “bullying” me on stage and passing funny remarks. He kept asking me why I didn’t have a bf, I just didn’t know what to say. A few words forced their way out such as “cant find the one, didn’t have the time….”, which were largely true. The show ended, our Chemistry ended, and I got back, got some gd rest. But our texting continued, he revealed 2 days back that he really liked me, and he didn’t admire me the same way others did. Uh huh. I just said I appreciated that. And he said that was enough for him for now. Agreed.
I definitely don’t wish to or hope to take things to another level, but he can be a nice enough person to have a gd laughter with and feel comfortable with. Yesterday he was nice enough to text me, find out how my day was, and whether Ive taken my medi. Good signs for a gd, close friendship I must say. i am usually the most pessimistic when it comes to relationships, any form or kind. I keep a cool head, mostly, cos no point thinking too much about anything. As for him, i appreciate it and treasure him as my friend. If he has gd intentions and a clean heart, our bond is here to stay.....
My nose is dripping. I feel quite lousy. The whole night I was just lying in bed, awake, and my mind whirring through a thousand thoughts. This is precisely why I hate being sick. Ok I shall just go for an eye shutter before I leave my house at 1015am for tuition.
Anyway, I realised its nearing a year since I last blogged. Time is flying too crazily fast. Ok I keep saying this in every entry and time somehow seems to speed up. Ive been nicely sick the past 2 days, my efforts at getting very much better have been foiled, as I woke up today with a bad nose, and bad throat and a bad stomach. What a lethal combination. I didn’t go for singing class, and as a matter of fact, I felt an ounce of guiltiness when I read the last blog. Esp the bit about how ive been going for singing classes more frequently. Why is it that my nose is always getting blocked, out of the blue? Is it my dad’s genes or because he invisibly passes ME the disease? Or I am just more susceptible to it? I think it’s a combination of factors, I have no clue how long I am supposed to tolerate this.
So yeah, back to the interesting bit about my life. Okay, whats so interesting about it? I ve been doing more outside performances, deepavali, bdays, weddings, ponggal, and also did emceeing. Some politics of singing was at work, people showing some attitude, and taking away my songs, and doing some underground and (overground) activity. You might be wondering what in the world is that? Well, they just shove u pleasing comments and expect u to embrace them almost instantaneously. They say you’re their hero, their star, wadever, and hence they use this as a tool to become your bestest friends. Best friends in this industry is bad. I feel, there should be a clear demarcation of your “rank”, “authority” and duties, from your peers, acquaintaces.
And here comes the funny bit. A boy, erm why I say this, cos he is 23, from the first time he saw me sing, cos he is a singer too, said he likes me. He disclosed me this after spotting me at shows, in which he happened to sing too, after maybe a gd 2-3 mths. He made this revelation in Dec via sms, a few days b4 new year’s day. I didn’t know how to react cos it completely took me off guard. I was thinking, is the cycle starting once again? He openly told me he may never get to be with me, but wanted to be gd frens with me, I said yeah sure why not. And things hit off from there. Nothing much happened till in Mid January, he wanted to pick me up from school, as I was heading towards Little India. He works in a Casket Company, but that particular day he was really free. (It is highly rare for him to shaking leg by the way). So he came, we talked for like 10mins during the ride, and before u knew it, at a traffic junction, he banged the taxi infront of him, lightly. I didn’t even realize it and that must be the joke of the year. The scene was quite nerve wrecking, you know its not everyday u get to witness these things first hand and while you’re uninjured….his number plate came off, his front got scratched and all that but the taxi driver and the taxi suffered nothing. We headed off to grab a quick Burger, but cldnt talk much as he kept getting calls from the taxi driver, the car workshop people, his father, and all .. what an eventful day. I on the other hand felt guilty, that he shld not have picked me up or come over to beach road, and so on. That incident became etched in my memory till today, which is the almost the end of Feb.
Now, we are good friends. A week back, we did an emcee show together. Yes we did have a lot of good chemistry, working with one another. He was relaxed Joe, and I was the fast paced lady at work. Nice combi. He gave me a plastic rose, during a 5min break backstage, and I was quite amused by it. I was observing him here and there,and he was doing his best “bullying” me on stage and passing funny remarks. He kept asking me why I didn’t have a bf, I just didn’t know what to say. A few words forced their way out such as “cant find the one, didn’t have the time….”, which were largely true. The show ended, our Chemistry ended, and I got back, got some gd rest. But our texting continued, he revealed 2 days back that he really liked me, and he didn’t admire me the same way others did. Uh huh. I just said I appreciated that. And he said that was enough for him for now. Agreed.
I definitely don’t wish to or hope to take things to another level, but he can be a nice enough person to have a gd laughter with and feel comfortable with. Yesterday he was nice enough to text me, find out how my day was, and whether Ive taken my medi. Good signs for a gd, close friendship I must say. i am usually the most pessimistic when it comes to relationships, any form or kind. I keep a cool head, mostly, cos no point thinking too much about anything. As for him, i appreciate it and treasure him as my friend. If he has gd intentions and a clean heart, our bond is here to stay.....
My nose is dripping. I feel quite lousy. The whole night I was just lying in bed, awake, and my mind whirring through a thousand thoughts. This is precisely why I hate being sick. Ok I shall just go for an eye shutter before I leave my house at 1015am for tuition.
Monday, April 14, 2008
bunch of rant.
i know i haven fed my blog in months. i cant believe time is flying so fast. im like one day from my exams and i can stil blog. funny me. maybe im just abit tired. well the past 4-5months have been pretty smooth, in terms of studies, tuition, singing, going for internship interviews, having a few gatherings, spending time with family and all that, yeah.
vday was the best. i had a gd night out with mavis dearest, and as night creeped it, her fren and my fren joined us, for a short while, b4 we all decided to head back home. it was a funny day really, and i love every minute that i spend with her. truly, its a bond thats going to go really far and long, trust me! and yes, our grad proj has been more or less finalised, and we are going to be together for a year! its a great feeling, working alongside and together with a lovely girl. =)
and den i started attending singing practices more frequently. teacher was very happy with my performances, and my singing abilities. i just wanna show her my everything and prove her that her efforts on me will never ever be wasted!
right now, i am just quite immune to alot of things. basically issues about commitment, marraige etc. i mean,yeah ure getting older, and soon ill be 22, and den 23 and all that, but commitment is such a scary word. One moment u think someone will be this and that, and the next moment, it all seems like a dream when some funny, wierd side of the person surfaces. u are just thrown aside, in shock or in relief.i dunno.
some ppl are generally always the same, they appear and disappear momentarily, and you have those silent moments in your life where u guys dont really communicate, but yea after a couple of months u decide to pick up the phone, and ring them to hear their voice. you know that u haven fully made them happy, and yes the other party also knows ure getting to know others. so whats the big deal?
its a funny game, the game of securing someone forever. i dun wanna use the word love, cos till now i dun really know how to define it or what it feels like. yes i have felt those hormone rushes and crushes, but is that love? of course not. i feel that when some things are meant to happen, they will. i mean, someone can be really persistent with stuff, but thats not going to make things turn out in his favour. some people keep saying "u know, i have always wanted to live with u, why are u always bringing your parents in..", i mean yeah when i hear that i get abit relieved, but den once i head back home, i think abt them again, and whatever this particular person told me hours ago, just doesnt stay in my head. i think i selectively choose what to hear and what not to retain. Am i plain stubborn?
i mean. its like if u were really serious about me, number 1, fight for me. fight for this thing, like uve never. But, if u are making more friends, doesnt really prove anything to me. if u tell me ure a natural girl magnet and ...its unsettling me. emotional infidelity is in question, isnt it. if ure going to lay back and relax and say, i know we are meant to be together, and just dun really do much..than what am i going to think? i mean yeah, u stil got so much growing up to do, u ve gotta finish sch, get a job..etc..so many hurdles, of cos i cant imagine u fighting for this. its love, after all, that uve wanted..physical intimacy, am i right to say? but i cant give all that..i cannot do that.
as i type this, i do realise im a complicated person. i think ive just seen so much in life, than im scared to start talking about my experiences to just about anyone at times. its true, ive made friends along the way, friends who ill keep for a long time, but i doubt if they will ever be my best friends. its funny, u know, how different people react at different times. just when u mite be trying to mend your relationship with someone, u know very well they are harbouring "getting attached" intentions with someone else. its scary rite..
i dun go out and tell someone, look here im interested in u, lets date, or better still, lets get attached. No! Hell No. i dun do that. i tell them, look u seem like a nice enough person. i appreciate you. thanks ..and lets be gd friends. if the friendship is going well, ill tell them , ure a nice person and i like u as a person.. and thats why i feel there is something gd about our friendship.
But..its always a battle really. ive seen so many different ppl, listened to many, talked to alot, had dinner with many. my mum will always ask me, why do u go out with guys, why not girls. i find that a funny question, like redundant. but really, i see and experience many more things with them i guess. they dont affect me personally, but i build up my self when with guys. with girls, my self doesnt really undergo much change or growth i guess, it just solidifies and remains kinda stable. but with guys, i end up questioning myself alot, i reveal a couple of things here and there, and listen to their experiences and thoughts about ppl and abt girls in general. i dunno, i just see more qualitative experiences with them i guess. they are one of the reasons for who i am today.. i may never have been this way if not for the guys ive mixed with. they taught me alot of things, from confidence, to maturity, to walking styles, to the way i talk, to the way i shld open up and the way i smile, also the way i dress.. just so many. its funny huh.
i know, this is just a huge bunch of rant. i am just feverishly typing here. just to get the load of my brain. i just want to be happy. and i just dun wanna mix with anyone who might harm my reputation or my success in any way possible. my life is at stake here.
vday was the best. i had a gd night out with mavis dearest, and as night creeped it, her fren and my fren joined us, for a short while, b4 we all decided to head back home. it was a funny day really, and i love every minute that i spend with her. truly, its a bond thats going to go really far and long, trust me! and yes, our grad proj has been more or less finalised, and we are going to be together for a year! its a great feeling, working alongside and together with a lovely girl. =)
and den i started attending singing practices more frequently. teacher was very happy with my performances, and my singing abilities. i just wanna show her my everything and prove her that her efforts on me will never ever be wasted!
right now, i am just quite immune to alot of things. basically issues about commitment, marraige etc. i mean,yeah ure getting older, and soon ill be 22, and den 23 and all that, but commitment is such a scary word. One moment u think someone will be this and that, and the next moment, it all seems like a dream when some funny, wierd side of the person surfaces. u are just thrown aside, in shock or in relief.i dunno.
some ppl are generally always the same, they appear and disappear momentarily, and you have those silent moments in your life where u guys dont really communicate, but yea after a couple of months u decide to pick up the phone, and ring them to hear their voice. you know that u haven fully made them happy, and yes the other party also knows ure getting to know others. so whats the big deal?
its a funny game, the game of securing someone forever. i dun wanna use the word love, cos till now i dun really know how to define it or what it feels like. yes i have felt those hormone rushes and crushes, but is that love? of course not. i feel that when some things are meant to happen, they will. i mean, someone can be really persistent with stuff, but thats not going to make things turn out in his favour. some people keep saying "u know, i have always wanted to live with u, why are u always bringing your parents in..", i mean yeah when i hear that i get abit relieved, but den once i head back home, i think abt them again, and whatever this particular person told me hours ago, just doesnt stay in my head. i think i selectively choose what to hear and what not to retain. Am i plain stubborn?
i mean. its like if u were really serious about me, number 1, fight for me. fight for this thing, like uve never. But, if u are making more friends, doesnt really prove anything to me. if u tell me ure a natural girl magnet and ...its unsettling me. emotional infidelity is in question, isnt it. if ure going to lay back and relax and say, i know we are meant to be together, and just dun really do much..than what am i going to think? i mean yeah, u stil got so much growing up to do, u ve gotta finish sch, get a job..etc..so many hurdles, of cos i cant imagine u fighting for this. its love, after all, that uve wanted..physical intimacy, am i right to say? but i cant give all that..i cannot do that.
as i type this, i do realise im a complicated person. i think ive just seen so much in life, than im scared to start talking about my experiences to just about anyone at times. its true, ive made friends along the way, friends who ill keep for a long time, but i doubt if they will ever be my best friends. its funny, u know, how different people react at different times. just when u mite be trying to mend your relationship with someone, u know very well they are harbouring "getting attached" intentions with someone else. its scary rite..
i dun go out and tell someone, look here im interested in u, lets date, or better still, lets get attached. No! Hell No. i dun do that. i tell them, look u seem like a nice enough person. i appreciate you. thanks ..and lets be gd friends. if the friendship is going well, ill tell them , ure a nice person and i like u as a person.. and thats why i feel there is something gd about our friendship.
But..its always a battle really. ive seen so many different ppl, listened to many, talked to alot, had dinner with many. my mum will always ask me, why do u go out with guys, why not girls. i find that a funny question, like redundant. but really, i see and experience many more things with them i guess. they dont affect me personally, but i build up my self when with guys. with girls, my self doesnt really undergo much change or growth i guess, it just solidifies and remains kinda stable. but with guys, i end up questioning myself alot, i reveal a couple of things here and there, and listen to their experiences and thoughts about ppl and abt girls in general. i dunno, i just see more qualitative experiences with them i guess. they are one of the reasons for who i am today.. i may never have been this way if not for the guys ive mixed with. they taught me alot of things, from confidence, to maturity, to walking styles, to the way i talk, to the way i shld open up and the way i smile, also the way i dress.. just so many. its funny huh.
i know, this is just a huge bunch of rant. i am just feverishly typing here. just to get the load of my brain. i just want to be happy. and i just dun wanna mix with anyone who might harm my reputation or my success in any way possible. my life is at stake here.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
tsk tsk
its been a wonderful few weeks. thus far ive slept quite alot, dealt with my cramps very effectively, hung out with my close grp of galfrens and had a few outings, like iceskating for hours,hanging out at eateries in tekka, watching a movie at yishun that was totally fun, chilling out session at starbucks and running into a few other ole time friends there, shopping for prezzies, attending my friend's 21st at a chalet and the list will stretch in the coming days with more plans taking place.. its been blissful really.
i must say i haven had proper meet-ups with my close psych gang of friends..the gang is dispersing.perhaps noone really initiates anything..i dun blame them or anything.. like what kenneth says, its not much of gang already.everyone has their own lives, friends, bfs, family, work, etc to attend to. so what does that leave us with? Today's much awaited simpang bedok outing was postponed. i hope it somehow takes place soon, but i mite be wrong. on the 27th ,one member of our "gang" leaves for seattle. our grp identity has faded, and it nears extinction soon, as we approach the start of our last year. this wasn't sth we had expected, once we were those twinkle eyed grp of freshies, making strong bonds.what has happened now? or am i thinking too much ,like kenneth? :(
i have a fear..a fear i wont get the kind of honours beside my BA(psych). getting a degree is one thing..but i hv always wanted to do my masters. i mean, its not impossible. but looking at the way things are going (stupid Stats..and the ever smart ppl in psych), i am suddenly afraid. this fear has been plaguing me ever since Stats came into my life last sem, and now the fear seems to hv multiplied as i near the end.. i always wanna make my parents proud..i just dun want to end up with some third class, no point in getting, hons. haiz.
and today, i was thinking, why not be a teacher. go to NIE after getting my degree, and after 2 yrs ill be at some sec sch teaching. i can do that part time while working somewhere else as a counsellor or sth, if its possible. i do feel the calling to be a teacher...especially since i see so much i can do with my kids, why not do it as a profession?
i must say i haven had proper meet-ups with my close psych gang of friends..the gang is dispersing.perhaps noone really initiates anything..i dun blame them or anything.. like what kenneth says, its not much of gang already.everyone has their own lives, friends, bfs, family, work, etc to attend to. so what does that leave us with? Today's much awaited simpang bedok outing was postponed. i hope it somehow takes place soon, but i mite be wrong. on the 27th ,one member of our "gang" leaves for seattle. our grp identity has faded, and it nears extinction soon, as we approach the start of our last year. this wasn't sth we had expected, once we were those twinkle eyed grp of freshies, making strong bonds.what has happened now? or am i thinking too much ,like kenneth? :(
i have a fear..a fear i wont get the kind of honours beside my BA(psych). getting a degree is one thing..but i hv always wanted to do my masters. i mean, its not impossible. but looking at the way things are going (stupid Stats..and the ever smart ppl in psych), i am suddenly afraid. this fear has been plaguing me ever since Stats came into my life last sem, and now the fear seems to hv multiplied as i near the end.. i always wanna make my parents proud..i just dun want to end up with some third class, no point in getting, hons. haiz.
and today, i was thinking, why not be a teacher. go to NIE after getting my degree, and after 2 yrs ill be at some sec sch teaching. i can do that part time while working somewhere else as a counsellor or sth, if its possible. i do feel the calling to be a teacher...especially since i see so much i can do with my kids, why not do it as a profession?
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
the raging emotions in ppl, i think.
its funny how when u wanna be yourself, free and easy, how ppl who thought u were only theirs at one pt of time, keep checking on u, again and again, now, when everythings done away with.
like how my friend white specs, til today, kaypos on me and asks if ive found anyone interesting, aka if im attached. he knows he has no chance wadsoever now, cos i ve already made it clear to him, but u know ppl sometimes hold onto that small tinge of hope that one day things wil go like they hv always wanted. i mean i dun blame them. its effort justification. hmm.
that one isnt so bad. i usually laugh it off. but my recent, sara, he has been the most upset. he hasnt had many gal friends, and been att only once. he felt immediate connection with me and felt extremely happy. but when i openly told him i wasn't attracted to him 'that way', he was upset, yes crushed. but he told me he wil try harder, to improve. but u know, there are some things u can never change. for example, height, colour, face structure, voice, energy level (maybe) , body structure so on and so forth. does he have cognitive dissonance? or issit effort justification again at work. but if thats the case, it was just 1 mth plus, so how much effort has it wasted. in my opinion, its not that tangible, but to him i guess its alot, especially since im his 'first love'. groan.
personally, i wld want my partner to be dark. dun get me wrong, ive had insecurity with fairer guys. but i dun want someone absolutely dark!! ive always found tall guys appealing. or atleast slightly taller than me. no need to be 1.8 plus all.. just a comfortable height. he must look smart, decent and captivating. am i asking alot?
well thats for HIS side of the story. he has to love my parents too, treat me like a princess. ok the parents part, ive decided to involve only after many many things are settled.
why issit that when i lied to him i went out with "someone" to eat at simpang bedok, he got soooo uneasy?? if he were to do that with a girl, i wld be happy. dun ask me why, but ill be extermely glad that he is getting to know girls. he kept asking me "suspense is killing me", "tell me now on msn itself who u went with", "issit some one u are seeing", etc etc. i got soo annoyed trust me. i mean i can be going out with anyone and everyone but that doesnt mean there are some strings attached. like that how am i supposed to make time for myself?? and i told him in his face directly, even when i was seeing u, i did get to know others. he was like hmmm, u never tell. i said, well i told u i wil tell if im interested in someone or want to see him rite, just normal friends, acquaintances are not in the list. i mean every single day of my life i wil prob get to know so many ppl, bump into a few, admire some, have a crush on a handful, smile at a couple, etc. does that mean im gg to go for them immediately? sigh.
men wil always be men. if ure successful and very pleasing, (attractive in their dictionary to the opp sex,) they wil find out every possible way to track yr steps, be it verbally asking questions, probing u, suggesting sth to see yr reaction etc, and to see which guy u mite be going out with or have some interest on. i mean that interest cld just mean u admire him or feel excited for him or etc, but they HAVE to take it in a different way. geesh.i totally hate this,esp if ure just my friend and ure tryin to breathe down on me. i mean u may be asking me in the most politest manner possible, but i cant take it, as ive never accepted this code of conduct. thus men wil always be men.
im stil waiting for that exception of course. this wldnt stop me from having dreams of getting married. lets see what i get next. LOL
im meeting sara tml. he has been pleading me to make it. i said ok i hope i can. he said after tml he wont disturb me anymore and its apparently for the best, for both of us. i mean i dun feel the least bit connected to him or anything. my mind is open since before deepavali, and its harbouring thoughts of myself n my family. and he feels he is affecting me, but seriously he is not. i just shun him and his words off sometimes, i dunno why, making time for my own world of thoughts.. selfish yes, but its the funny me at work.
ill blog tml. shall rest my tired brain.
like how my friend white specs, til today, kaypos on me and asks if ive found anyone interesting, aka if im attached. he knows he has no chance wadsoever now, cos i ve already made it clear to him, but u know ppl sometimes hold onto that small tinge of hope that one day things wil go like they hv always wanted. i mean i dun blame them. its effort justification. hmm.
that one isnt so bad. i usually laugh it off. but my recent, sara, he has been the most upset. he hasnt had many gal friends, and been att only once. he felt immediate connection with me and felt extremely happy. but when i openly told him i wasn't attracted to him 'that way', he was upset, yes crushed. but he told me he wil try harder, to improve. but u know, there are some things u can never change. for example, height, colour, face structure, voice, energy level (maybe) , body structure so on and so forth. does he have cognitive dissonance? or issit effort justification again at work. but if thats the case, it was just 1 mth plus, so how much effort has it wasted. in my opinion, its not that tangible, but to him i guess its alot, especially since im his 'first love'. groan.
personally, i wld want my partner to be dark. dun get me wrong, ive had insecurity with fairer guys. but i dun want someone absolutely dark!! ive always found tall guys appealing. or atleast slightly taller than me. no need to be 1.8 plus all.. just a comfortable height. he must look smart, decent and captivating. am i asking alot?
well thats for HIS side of the story. he has to love my parents too, treat me like a princess. ok the parents part, ive decided to involve only after many many things are settled.
why issit that when i lied to him i went out with "someone" to eat at simpang bedok, he got soooo uneasy?? if he were to do that with a girl, i wld be happy. dun ask me why, but ill be extermely glad that he is getting to know girls. he kept asking me "suspense is killing me", "tell me now on msn itself who u went with", "issit some one u are seeing", etc etc. i got soo annoyed trust me. i mean i can be going out with anyone and everyone but that doesnt mean there are some strings attached. like that how am i supposed to make time for myself?? and i told him in his face directly, even when i was seeing u, i did get to know others. he was like hmmm, u never tell. i said, well i told u i wil tell if im interested in someone or want to see him rite, just normal friends, acquaintances are not in the list. i mean every single day of my life i wil prob get to know so many ppl, bump into a few, admire some, have a crush on a handful, smile at a couple, etc. does that mean im gg to go for them immediately? sigh.
men wil always be men. if ure successful and very pleasing, (attractive in their dictionary to the opp sex,) they wil find out every possible way to track yr steps, be it verbally asking questions, probing u, suggesting sth to see yr reaction etc, and to see which guy u mite be going out with or have some interest on. i mean that interest cld just mean u admire him or feel excited for him or etc, but they HAVE to take it in a different way. geesh.i totally hate this,esp if ure just my friend and ure tryin to breathe down on me. i mean u may be asking me in the most politest manner possible, but i cant take it, as ive never accepted this code of conduct. thus men wil always be men.
im stil waiting for that exception of course. this wldnt stop me from having dreams of getting married. lets see what i get next. LOL
im meeting sara tml. he has been pleading me to make it. i said ok i hope i can. he said after tml he wont disturb me anymore and its apparently for the best, for both of us. i mean i dun feel the least bit connected to him or anything. my mind is open since before deepavali, and its harbouring thoughts of myself n my family. and he feels he is affecting me, but seriously he is not. i just shun him and his words off sometimes, i dunno why, making time for my own world of thoughts.. selfish yes, but its the funny me at work.
ill blog tml. shall rest my tired brain.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
after july. till now.
its been many months.. from july til now, many things hv taken plc in my life. a short summary.
1. i started semester 1 of my third year. and boy, it was a ride to remember, honestly. taking all of us by shock and causing us many many many sleepless nights. we went feverish and giddy to school, especially every thurs cos of statistics!!! gosh, that was one hell of a module..every week had to submit a report..not one, not two pages, but a hefty 10-15page long report!!
2. i went for a hosting audition. i think i was successful, i dunno, hv to wait til they call me up.. my fellow friend, also having my name, ended up in a food show.. really cool stuff..
3. i got called up for some shoots for tamil dramas and all. went for a couple
4. my tuition schedule got even moreeeee hectic, with 6 kids to manage!!! and two having Os..u know how demanding it all became!? everyone wanted a part of me!!
5. i had a two day sch week. u all must be saying, unfair. but let me tell u, there were many many cons to it. i mean, yeah i got more sleep, which is undescribably impt for me, but i had many many more obligations, such as tuition and singing lessons.
6. i had temple performances to do, in sept.
7. oh yeah my bday came and went, just like that. lol.the moment i turned 21, i felt super super super old ,trust me, not a veryy nice feeling, but i enjoyed and embraced it. :)
8.exams started inching nearer and nearer. my laptop lcd gave problems, stil giving problems actually haha.
9. i came into touch with my pri sch senior saravanan. he was interesteeeeed in me.
10. contemplation after oct end, and i decided days before deepavali, it cannot work out. i told him so, adamantly he said he wld stil pursue this issue. i said hmph.
11. deepavali came, whee, i bought more saris.
12. went our more often with my parents, and cousin. it was gd. family fun.
13. dun really remember gg out with my friends much.hmmm. tts sad eh?
14. vik aka white specs went ns in july. he called me a few times here and there, but everything stopped after deepavali.
15. amala, my babydoll,got hospitalised..but she is happily att! so glad for her.
16. devan said he was att, but apparently he lied.
17. my mum went for dental checkups at nuh.
18. i got a new samsung K3Qb touchpad mp3 for my bday.. :) thks daddy. ure da best.
19. It pulled my leg, by pretending to die. the charger got abit muddled, tts all.
20. i had many dreams..many many.
21. studied wit bala in sch a couple of times. also met ranjani in sch.
22. exams were alrite. the studying part was crazy, but not as crazy as STATISTICS!!
23. thinesh asked me whether i had feelings for him. hmm. i said i never saw him that way. his fren was disappointed.
24. i realised my parents meant alot to me, im prepared to throw away other nonsense for them, just for them.
25. hmmm. i got gastric a couple of times.
26. my carnatic teacher praised me and explained my potential to my parents.
27. ryan admitted he stil missed me, and wanted to meet me in dec when hes back frm aussie.
28. i bought moree clothes.
29. i accidently met hema after she returned to spore!
30. realised me and sara are poles apart. in terms of looks, expressions,etc. i mean thoughts wise we may be similar, but that doesnt show anything.
31. ken is flying off on 27th!! going to miss him super super alot :(
32. some of my old old juniors started adding me on friendster! such a nicee feeling.
33. i lost some weight! :)
34. i made new frennnssss. its always gd to widen yr social network!
alot of things, alot of thoughts. but i realised in this journey, that some ppl hv made a very gd impression on my parents till today, while some have never and will never. its sad really, when u get flashbacks. the kind of person uve wanted cannot be there for u anymore, nor can the person(s) who wants u have u. sad eh. as i inch towards 22, i think this life is going to get alot more interesting. tho im technically old, my parents stil think im their cute lil girlie..but i wanna be that way with them, i love being showered with all their love.its okay if they think ive not grown up, cos ill pretend like i haven with them.. but i ll show my true self with others definitely..
1. i started semester 1 of my third year. and boy, it was a ride to remember, honestly. taking all of us by shock and causing us many many many sleepless nights. we went feverish and giddy to school, especially every thurs cos of statistics!!! gosh, that was one hell of a module..every week had to submit a report..not one, not two pages, but a hefty 10-15page long report!!
2. i went for a hosting audition. i think i was successful, i dunno, hv to wait til they call me up.. my fellow friend, also having my name, ended up in a food show.. really cool stuff..
3. i got called up for some shoots for tamil dramas and all. went for a couple
4. my tuition schedule got even moreeeee hectic, with 6 kids to manage!!! and two having Os..u know how demanding it all became!? everyone wanted a part of me!!
5. i had a two day sch week. u all must be saying, unfair. but let me tell u, there were many many cons to it. i mean, yeah i got more sleep, which is undescribably impt for me, but i had many many more obligations, such as tuition and singing lessons.
6. i had temple performances to do, in sept.
7. oh yeah my bday came and went, just like that. lol.the moment i turned 21, i felt super super super old ,trust me, not a veryy nice feeling, but i enjoyed and embraced it. :)
8.exams started inching nearer and nearer. my laptop lcd gave problems, stil giving problems actually haha.
9. i came into touch with my pri sch senior saravanan. he was interesteeeeed in me.
10. contemplation after oct end, and i decided days before deepavali, it cannot work out. i told him so, adamantly he said he wld stil pursue this issue. i said hmph.
11. deepavali came, whee, i bought more saris.
12. went our more often with my parents, and cousin. it was gd. family fun.
13. dun really remember gg out with my friends much.hmmm. tts sad eh?
14. vik aka white specs went ns in july. he called me a few times here and there, but everything stopped after deepavali.
15. amala, my babydoll,got hospitalised..but she is happily att! so glad for her.
16. devan said he was att, but apparently he lied.
17. my mum went for dental checkups at nuh.
18. i got a new samsung K3Qb touchpad mp3 for my bday.. :) thks daddy. ure da best.
19. It pulled my leg, by pretending to die. the charger got abit muddled, tts all.
20. i had many dreams..many many.
21. studied wit bala in sch a couple of times. also met ranjani in sch.
22. exams were alrite. the studying part was crazy, but not as crazy as STATISTICS!!
23. thinesh asked me whether i had feelings for him. hmm. i said i never saw him that way. his fren was disappointed.
24. i realised my parents meant alot to me, im prepared to throw away other nonsense for them, just for them.
25. hmmm. i got gastric a couple of times.
26. my carnatic teacher praised me and explained my potential to my parents.
27. ryan admitted he stil missed me, and wanted to meet me in dec when hes back frm aussie.
28. i bought moree clothes.
29. i accidently met hema after she returned to spore!
30. realised me and sara are poles apart. in terms of looks, expressions,etc. i mean thoughts wise we may be similar, but that doesnt show anything.
31. ken is flying off on 27th!! going to miss him super super alot :(
32. some of my old old juniors started adding me on friendster! such a nicee feeling.
33. i lost some weight! :)
34. i made new frennnssss. its always gd to widen yr social network!
alot of things, alot of thoughts. but i realised in this journey, that some ppl hv made a very gd impression on my parents till today, while some have never and will never. its sad really, when u get flashbacks. the kind of person uve wanted cannot be there for u anymore, nor can the person(s) who wants u have u. sad eh. as i inch towards 22, i think this life is going to get alot more interesting. tho im technically old, my parents stil think im their cute lil girlie..but i wanna be that way with them, i love being showered with all their love.its okay if they think ive not grown up, cos ill pretend like i haven with them.. but i ll show my true self with others definitely..
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
it has been a hectic week.
i met him on sunday, but time flew. initially wanted to meet at 1pm, but u see i cldnt get up in the morning and my tuition was frm 1230-2pm, and after that the bus took years to come and i reached tamp mrt at like a wonderful 315pm. so by the time i reached cityhall was, 340pm! HHHHHAIX. anti-climax. he had to leave abt 6plus to head home for some family dinner thing, so u see, we had VERY LITTLE time left to spend. cldnt even catch a movie. the much awaited day was suddenly so boring, sigh.. we just went to Dhoby,PS, had lunch. i, as usual, wil take really long to eat remember, so i ended my meal at 5pm. and den after that headed to arcade, he was playing some soccer game so i sat down beside him and watched him do his stuff. it was fun.. i enjoyed it, this carried on til 530pm, he was all excited over the match and i was giving him encouragement :) after that we took a bus ride to Jurong East, i was talking to him so much on the bus..he said e thing he liked most abt me was my frankness.
and well alot of nice things were said that day. it was memorable, tho short. time just flew.
of course he likes to argue with me at times, and i do too, but i guess there is sth that makes us give in or to laugh it off..
i met him on sunday, but time flew. initially wanted to meet at 1pm, but u see i cldnt get up in the morning and my tuition was frm 1230-2pm, and after that the bus took years to come and i reached tamp mrt at like a wonderful 315pm. so by the time i reached cityhall was, 340pm! HHHHHAIX. anti-climax. he had to leave abt 6plus to head home for some family dinner thing, so u see, we had VERY LITTLE time left to spend. cldnt even catch a movie. the much awaited day was suddenly so boring, sigh.. we just went to Dhoby,PS, had lunch. i, as usual, wil take really long to eat remember, so i ended my meal at 5pm. and den after that headed to arcade, he was playing some soccer game so i sat down beside him and watched him do his stuff. it was fun.. i enjoyed it, this carried on til 530pm, he was all excited over the match and i was giving him encouragement :) after that we took a bus ride to Jurong East, i was talking to him so much on the bus..he said e thing he liked most abt me was my frankness.
and well alot of nice things were said that day. it was memorable, tho short. time just flew.
of course he likes to argue with me at times, and i do too, but i guess there is sth that makes us give in or to laugh it off..
Monday, July 2, 2007
wedding plus monday 02/07/07
is this meeeeee? :D look different again eh?
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warm greetings to one and all.
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so lemme see back to the entry proper.. i went for my bestie's wedding on sat. all along i was thinking sun, luckily my fren veena gave me an sms reminder! anyway, yeah it was great stuff, but only prob is i cldnt get the freaking taxi after waiting frm 7pm til nearly 8pm, gave up , got exasperated and took train to dhoby, took a quick walk towards the tank road temple,and to my dismay the groom had tied the thali around the neck of my BESTIE! i was abit devastated upon receiving this news via sms from my other fren who got to witness the entire proceedings frm 730pm, just when i was stone's throw away from the temple. oh well. had dinner with her and mum. went to say our congratulations to groom and bride. i nearly wanted to tear but was holding back. i felt happy but at the same time afraid for her, overwhelmed..like who wldnt be?! she was matchmade.. and how much can u understand the to-be husband from late jan til june, while most of the time he is overseas and makes calls each day to you? haiz. is she prepared for this?? she is only 23+..and best part, she has to leave for US in one week. and hence they are celebrating their honeymoon at Sentosa... hope everything works well for them. i really wish them all the best in this. may they have a great married life.. :) but ill really miss my bestie. sigh.... :-(
anyway, so today is monday. guess wad happened??? after school. well lets not start from there. halfway thru my biochem molecules lecture, my phone died! urgh! yucks! ok enuff emotions there. well so like i already fixed cck tuition at 7plus 8pm and planned to meet my dear "white-specs" after his work at 6pm. so u see, when your phone dies, life is kinda tough. i had to use the public phone in school to re-establish contact with my mum and dad, cos they went to the polyclinic. mum has high cholesterol, so i was wondering wad her test results would show. my mum easily gets worried these days, esp when it comes to health matters, but he wld put up a brave front tho mum and i know deep inside he is afraid of wad he was gg to hear and so forth. so yeah, things were fine, heard mum has to take a pill for a mth and see how the situation is. the doc scared her by saying if things persist and she doesnt take medication, she might get *touchwood* stroke,heart attack etc. sigh. the things she has to tell her. so den called my dear and he was like "your phone died so fast!? anyway ill call u once i end work. my phone also one bar. we wil meet at 615-630pm at jurong east control if we cant contact each other.." so thats all. from 130pm i was waiting for time to pass. tutorial was good. i cld answer most of the questions just after one glance at them.. and den during break was planning my timetable. plan 1 is gd. plan 2 abit odd. so need to sort that out soooon. den 430pm enjoyed a mcflurry with my frens and took bus to boonlay. so u see, i was on the train reaching bv at 525pm. far too early. so i gave him a call, but his phone was dead already. sigh. i was abit worried. but i persisted, went to outram, called him frm there, again nth, so i was convinced his phone was dead for sure.. more worried now. i was re-assuring myself. i was telling myself that if God really thought we shld meet, he wld let us. so yeah, at 610pm i reached the agreed upon meeting spot, JE control. i gave a call again, my heart wasnt at rest yet, again it went to his voice mail. i dunno, sending him a voicemail actually made me feel slightly better. urgh. so den. i was just standing there, making myself calm and keeping a lookout for him. it was 615pm. sigh.. nowhere in sight. alot of random people entering..where is he? maybe i missed him already. well lets see...
so at 617pm, my dear comes out of the gantry! he looks around, but doesnt see me walking towards him, i was elated.. and den as i was nearing him, he saw me and started smiling. but i realised he was really very tired. sigh. so den i was narrating to him about wad all i was doing frm 525pm and how i thought i might not get to see him etc, and he was telling me how he thought i wldnt come to JE at the given time..haiz. it felt really good. we had that connection that told us each of us would make it a point to be there for each other.so wad if our HPs die on us!?haha. took a short ride to CCK via bus. thedriver took so long to come and i was talking so much to him.. i was just going on and on and on, and he was listening and replyin patiently. he was tired.. and den we bought drinks at CCK , sat down and talked somemore..it was 750pm. so it was time to leave.. in the end my tuition girl cldnt make it. so we took a ride back to boonlay together. and he was miserably late for dance prac.. we reached boonlay closeto 9pm!
it was a good day. really.. :)
thrs a reason for some things to happen this way. everyday i learn new things. and today i did too. some things he told me made me reflect. hmmm.i never thought someone telling me things wld make me think so much til today... :) its a new experience for me.. truly.and i like going thru this.. esp when u feel secure every moment u think abt the person.. ive never felt it before. but now i sincerely do.
anyway..here are some pics from the wedding day!..
Me and my mummy..looking pretty together.
veena girl and me, abit blur outside temple..blurr.
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me at home after the tiring day..slack pose.. :D
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Friday, June 29, 2007
wad an entry.
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this is my blog. today i shall write down how im feeling.
right now its 1150pm. im very tired.usually im not.but unusually i am. i went to visit my tuition girls family today.they were very nice hospitable ppl, the kids are adorable.ill be the tutor for the p6 girl. apparently she has 'exam paper stress'. i can go on but im tired. sigh.
its 1153pm. just heard my fren is acting in NUS samarpanam..
1155pm. my fren's wedding is tml. i thought sun. so tml can't watch transformers with him.
1158pm. i find myself on friendster searching for my going-to-ROM friend's profile.sharks, cant find.
12.01am. hmmm. my mum is yawning. i agree im quite disappointed. but its okay. atleast i practiced my varnam just now.
12.03am my fren asked if i wanna chat on the phone now. No way.. i cant talk on e phone at nite., unless for one exception.
12.04am i think im hallucinating and jaded. i shldnt go on. its not gd. i feel high. and very exhausted.and i cant find my fren's profile..wth.
12.05am ... what am i thinking abt...?
12.06am..since last sat have been thinking alot abt this person.. i really wonder why and how it started.. :P
12.10am..i m actually giving my fren an explanation abt dating..wah lau..
12.12am..i nearly had a fight w my fren cos he said he wanted to date me one day.
12.13am.. i miss u-know-who, tho i acted angry towards him that day, i actually do treasure him. i just dont know how to show certain things.. sigh.. but i do hold him deeply in my heart.
12.13am.. i shld go slp..
12.14am. lets see when i can meet him next. can't wait ... he and his white specs.. :)
12.16am.. i wish it was a wkday. nowadays wkends arent great. just more tuition.. :-(
12.17am. argh.monday got lessons. so much to study! am i getting stressed..cannot..
12.18am. i miss him. bleh. i had to type that again. cos i genuinely do. i told him, i express alot of things thru words and smses.. not via speaking. i hope its not bad. :(
Friday, June 15, 2007
those were the days. great pics. great company.
heres vjay, jaga, and anwar..wad are they up to!?!?! and also presenting......applegirls.kasturi.sailaja.and myself.... whee...postmoksha chalet at fairy pt !
me and kasturiii !hmmm...fun@ post moksha chalet indeed.... :)
lots of posing!
awww...how adorable we all look!
BLISS!
BLISS!Friday, June 8, 2007
so far. in perspective.
look whos back! heyheyhey.
its been a loooong absence, i know. i miss all my frens.i miss my tuition kids.i miss my long nights.i miss movie-marathonning.i miss alot of things. well april til june was one hell of a hectic timespan. school, exams, Moksha practices and preparations, MOKSHA on june 2nd. and i took a good one week to catch up with my all-impt sleep! got back not long ago from the chalet party. they had bbq food, cold drinks, and a dance floor with a great sound system. i liked that. so we danced away, frm 9plus til 1040pm. it was fun. left the really ulu Fairy point Bungalow 1 and came back to my sweet haven, my home. luckily, for once i stayed near, at Bedok. i had alot to smile about as a result, while all my other frens were panicking and worrying abt getting home. :)
well these few mths have made me realise a couple of things. politics is one thing. and den comes time management. and den parents, and how much they need u to spend time with them.this has been overstated since 2yrs back, i know. sometimes it feels like they are leeches stuck onto u. i guess i had been childish. sometimes it feels like they know too much. it feels like they just wana rule over u. But, at the end of the day. i guess my parents do realise they have to let go off me, bit by bit. they were the ones who asked me to go for the chalet today. but i didnt wanna stay anyway. no matter how much i fight with them, i really treasure them, i wldnt be who i am today if not for them. i swear.
ive a new fren. i call him "white specs" fondly :) knew him since april, thru a tamil talk show. been talking, going out places since then. and surprisingly, we bumped into each other at the mariamman temple a few weeks back, and thus he met my mum, exchanged some words with her. best part, he wanted to intro me to his dad and bro, cos he was there becos his cousin was getting married. initially iwas like, no way why must i see yr bro and father etc.. but he kept saying, pls pls. so i was like fine. saw his dad, shook hands, exchanged a few sentences, mum said hi to him, his bro was looking at us frm a corner. so that was that.
Moksha came. the 2 daysbefore moksha, was Vesak day. very gd, i called him to come follow me so i can buy clothes. he was a great help, trust me. he was telling me wad style to choose, wad colours to get, wad kind of pants wil suit me, wad kind of tube, chain, he patiently waited for me to change into the clothes and asked me to show him after wearing them..like he was the only guy there la haha..etc.. so yeah after checking out the entire bugis 3-4times, we went to dhoby this fashion, and ta da! found all the necc items. den went back with him to JP, got some accessories and an exciting chain, and went back to school. a GREAT day it was. den Moksha came. he came with his troop of friends who were dressed in pink, but he was dressed smartly, long sleevedshirt and pants, but unshaven, haahahah. so he saw my parents after the show at the reception, (i was backstage all the while so i didnt know wad was happening) thus he stepped out of this circle of frens and bravely went to talk to my mum and said hi to my dad. apparently he kept talking to my mum and not much to dad, so dad was like hmm. hewas telling abt his work, his sore eye and all that to mum. so than i finally came to the reception told him thks for making it to the show and we all left and he went back to meet his frens. so that day was over. the day after moksha, he asked me out to angmokio to catch a dance comp, and so i went. he said he was wearing black and white, and so i followed suit, was careful not to wear heels. (: the show was okay. he was keeping me company, met a few ppl i knew. he was looking out for any probs guys mite pose. he made me feel like i wasnt alone there so yeah, that was gd, tho his frens were there too. he followed me back to Bedok, and he wentback home himself. (=
so now..sat is just born. he had a guest performance yesterday at toapayoh cc, kept asking me to go for it, but i cldnt.i do feel bad til now. he immediately called me at 11pm to ask where i was, and whether i was home safetly. :)
thts all for now. my parents do find him nice, respectful and well-spoken. just dun wan history to repeat itself so i am just gg to be cautious. i dun wan him to get serious abt anything as yet. and ill want to be his best fren for now, ive mentioned this to him... :) nth beats a great friendship, and i knw he is a nice soul.. and i know he wld treasure me deeply. he always says " i miss u alot more den u do.."
for me to continue, give me some time. perhaps after sun i wld update my blog again.
love each and everyone of u. pls take care.
Revat
its been a loooong absence, i know. i miss all my frens.i miss my tuition kids.i miss my long nights.i miss movie-marathonning.i miss alot of things. well april til june was one hell of a hectic timespan. school, exams, Moksha practices and preparations, MOKSHA on june 2nd. and i took a good one week to catch up with my all-impt sleep! got back not long ago from the chalet party. they had bbq food, cold drinks, and a dance floor with a great sound system. i liked that. so we danced away, frm 9plus til 1040pm. it was fun. left the really ulu Fairy point Bungalow 1 and came back to my sweet haven, my home. luckily, for once i stayed near, at Bedok. i had alot to smile about as a result, while all my other frens were panicking and worrying abt getting home. :)
well these few mths have made me realise a couple of things. politics is one thing. and den comes time management. and den parents, and how much they need u to spend time with them.this has been overstated since 2yrs back, i know. sometimes it feels like they are leeches stuck onto u. i guess i had been childish. sometimes it feels like they know too much. it feels like they just wana rule over u. But, at the end of the day. i guess my parents do realise they have to let go off me, bit by bit. they were the ones who asked me to go for the chalet today. but i didnt wanna stay anyway. no matter how much i fight with them, i really treasure them, i wldnt be who i am today if not for them. i swear.
ive a new fren. i call him "white specs" fondly :) knew him since april, thru a tamil talk show. been talking, going out places since then. and surprisingly, we bumped into each other at the mariamman temple a few weeks back, and thus he met my mum, exchanged some words with her. best part, he wanted to intro me to his dad and bro, cos he was there becos his cousin was getting married. initially iwas like, no way why must i see yr bro and father etc.. but he kept saying, pls pls. so i was like fine. saw his dad, shook hands, exchanged a few sentences, mum said hi to him, his bro was looking at us frm a corner. so that was that.
Moksha came. the 2 daysbefore moksha, was Vesak day. very gd, i called him to come follow me so i can buy clothes. he was a great help, trust me. he was telling me wad style to choose, wad colours to get, wad kind of pants wil suit me, wad kind of tube, chain, he patiently waited for me to change into the clothes and asked me to show him after wearing them..like he was the only guy there la haha..etc.. so yeah after checking out the entire bugis 3-4times, we went to dhoby this fashion, and ta da! found all the necc items. den went back with him to JP, got some accessories and an exciting chain, and went back to school. a GREAT day it was. den Moksha came. he came with his troop of friends who were dressed in pink, but he was dressed smartly, long sleevedshirt and pants, but unshaven, haahahah. so he saw my parents after the show at the reception, (i was backstage all the while so i didnt know wad was happening) thus he stepped out of this circle of frens and bravely went to talk to my mum and said hi to my dad. apparently he kept talking to my mum and not much to dad, so dad was like hmm. hewas telling abt his work, his sore eye and all that to mum. so than i finally came to the reception told him thks for making it to the show and we all left and he went back to meet his frens. so that day was over. the day after moksha, he asked me out to angmokio to catch a dance comp, and so i went. he said he was wearing black and white, and so i followed suit, was careful not to wear heels. (: the show was okay. he was keeping me company, met a few ppl i knew. he was looking out for any probs guys mite pose. he made me feel like i wasnt alone there so yeah, that was gd, tho his frens were there too. he followed me back to Bedok, and he wentback home himself. (=
so now..sat is just born. he had a guest performance yesterday at toapayoh cc, kept asking me to go for it, but i cldnt.i do feel bad til now. he immediately called me at 11pm to ask where i was, and whether i was home safetly. :)
thts all for now. my parents do find him nice, respectful and well-spoken. just dun wan history to repeat itself so i am just gg to be cautious. i dun wan him to get serious abt anything as yet. and ill want to be his best fren for now, ive mentioned this to him... :) nth beats a great friendship, and i knw he is a nice soul.. and i know he wld treasure me deeply. he always says " i miss u alot more den u do.."
for me to continue, give me some time. perhaps after sun i wld update my blog again.
love each and everyone of u. pls take care.
Revat
Friday, January 26, 2007
heyozz..
times hv changed. and the winds are blowing in a different direction, steering me towards certain regions ive not dared to explore for sometime. i am more or less a free bird who roughly knows wad she feels. i dont wanna spend time on redundant issues, nor wld i wanna be a part of sth more complex den a spider web. i need my life to be peaceful, error-free, and my feelings to be in check. i dont need reassurance ALL the TIME. just a plain remembrance is all tt i wld need. a msg a week, a call fortnightly.. an initiative to meet up maybe once a week... is tt alot to ask for? if it is, just smsing wld be fine already. tt shows that we are still friends. right now, there is nth to label this as friendship. zehro, zilch, merci, but this is what it is.
i dont wanna stare and revisit the track tt leads to the closed door. i have drifted off to another path to a wide open door. i haven entered it yet just exploring and enjoying the path tt leads to it.... its been a long time.
i hv a hardened crust yet again, but my core is boiling intermittently. Internally i hv become more supple. ive been working too hard. its time to let lose abit.
i need to enjoy the finer things in life, w/o stress pressure or tension.
i want this world to be a happier place.
some answers hv finally surfaced. my myelinated dendrons and axons hv sent the specific signals to the neurons in my brain, limbs, heart etc, releasing certain Neurotransmitters frm the many vesicles found at the nerve endings..
NTs include : "hatred-ine..", "ignorancilin" , " heck-alinne..." etc etc
direct application of biopsych here, dont mind me.
okay some good news.
PICS!!
post kacheri exclusive... how is it?
looking sweet?
i lurveee my sari. someone commented on friendster i looked hot , in a pityful typical indian ahbeng lingo... gdness. more shocking den pleasant. sighz.
looking abit tired. but of course, always having time to smileeee... :-)
yeah and i love the combi of colours on my saree.
and lately i attended a wedding. temple + lunch reception at the banana leaf appollo. iwas feelingmore stressed den the wedding couple for some reason.. LOL..
k k i only hv energy for this entry. the rest have to wait. time to sleep. ive been having early mornings and late nights since the start of this week. dont i deserve some ounce of relaxation. like REAL i am gg to get it....
oof its sat tml!! (phew in french)
auvoir!
:D
Thursday, January 4, 2007
ahem ahem.
oh my. ... oh god oh my...
the scandalous picture!!!
wahahaha. look at how red shawn is?! gdness me.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
23rd. xmas eve was a blast!
yay. lovely day today. initially i left home with the mentality that today was gg to be awful, boring and mundane xmas. but i tell u, it was wonderful. i made a phonecall to my ntu buddy after like 3mths, and hearing him talk was good.
he asked me all the familiar qns he usually does, "How are yr singing lessons? how were ur exams. where u heading to" he understands me well. tho we have our differences, we put them all aside and made peace. he claimed "my phonecall was the best xmas present he has gotten in his life".....:) it was good. and i felt like my day has started on a good note.
then met my frens , hc laura and shawn and went to laupahsat to have a good dinner. had alot of food. and satay.yummyyumyum. and our dearest shawn gave us prezzies! santaclaus of the day...heee
den we headed to this moroccan bar for a cosy get together, i got this passionfruit margarita..sweet, hot red stuff..and we all chilled..had fun laughter peace and joy. lots of tlc. and hc's fren shawn joined us...and our original shawn got drunk! hehehe. and in the end, i had to lend him my shoulder for a scandalous photo shoot. my god, my son was getting redder by the second.and he was only halfway thru his drink!
yeah the nite was still young for them. not to mention this...
shawn"i love u , u love me"
laura's hot waiter "hey man, im straight, hehe"
shawn " er.."
laura's hot waiter " haha, u want that?"
shawn "oh yea,sorry, i didnt get it just now, haha"
and my dear shawn accompanied me back to the train station..
thats my boy. my dearest shawn.
and we all promised to meet up again soon. for another nite of fun and laughter.. whee..
come to think of it, we all met up after a year! i miss them already....
man, awesome stuff... :)
im happy.
Friday, December 22, 2006
21st dec +22nd dec.
outing with hema!
was totally thrilling. she brought me to this wonderfully cosy Subway near beach road. walking hand-in-hand, we explored the shops,restaurants, and eateries there. it felt soo good. and when ordering our sandwiches, we laughed when the counter india guy said "maam, do u vant chips to accampany youre meal?"....chips it seemed! felt like i was at a cinema. ok la, i admit i was a tad too mean there, buti cldnt help it.
pictures! thankfully she had a cool gadget, mp3 plus camera built in together. now how exciting is that? totally right! hahaha. *squeals*
i knew her since like sec4, but only started being closer to her during JC 2 that time, wad a pity, she will be leaving for Aussie on Feb 1st week~ her mum's a wonderful person, ever so bubbly and cute.. i really loved my visit to her home, and their warm company. delightful.
whee, we sat there at Subway talking till the sky turned dark.. we didnt really want to leave, but it was nearly 10pm. haix. if only the day moved slower. seriously. tts why we decided to meet up nx monday! need to get some stuff for my trip at this camping equipment store thr, and clothes!! whoopie!
just only saw my itenary and equipment list. quite a mouthful.
Gunung Datuk Trip Itinerary
27th December 2006
0800h Meet at Kranji MRT station
0900h Reach Johor Bahru train station
1400h Reach Tampin train station
1430h Reach Datuk's base camp
1800h Reach the top of Datuk ------------woohoo. guess i will have loads to tell!
1800h onwards Dinner ---? wad! dinner so early...mmmmm.
28th December 2006
0700h Wake up ---> i knew it wil be this early.
0900h Begin descend
1200h Reach base camp & wash up
1300h Reach town and lunch
1545h Reach Tampin train station
1800h Dinner
2200h Reach Singapore ---> ill def be shacked out...sleeeeeep!
27th December 2006
0800h Meet at Kranji MRT station
0900h Reach Johor Bahru train station
1400h Reach Tampin train station
1430h Reach Datuk's base camp
1800h Reach the top of Datuk ------------woohoo. guess i will have loads to tell!
1800h onwards Dinner ---? wad! dinner so early...mmmmm.
28th December 2006
0700h Wake up ---> i knew it wil be this early.
0900h Begin descend
1200h Reach base camp & wash up
1300h Reach town and lunch
1545h Reach Tampin train station
1800h Dinner
2200h Reach Singapore ---> ill def be shacked out...sleeeeeep!
er. i think ill shift the outing with phoebe on 29th to 30th instead. ill def need one day to regain my energy. i wld just concuss. even now i am going to concuss.
blehh. i am sleepy. i need sleep b4 i go for tuition later...
and i loved my temple trip today. it felt soo good to pray, and let down all yr worries....
some things are whirring in my head silently. i can only leave it to time to tell.
why must it all be so confusing.
why cant the answer stare back at me?
:S
Thursday, December 21, 2006
the day of mixed emotions.. 22/12/06
haeppyy barthudayy daddiiii! (with the heavy yet rich, indian accent)
my daddy turns 48 today. it was day of mixed emotions. a year back, on this very day, 22nd dec, my granny,my most beloved treasured iron lady, passed away. she was the strongest yet unsuccumbing soul ive known, withstanding all hardships, sacrificing extensively, being warmly generous, and always smiling....the sweetness she posessed was sweetier than honey, the warmth she extended was better than a hot chocolate on a bittercold day, her fingers were smoother than silk, her kiss on yr cheek makes u feel like the luckiest person alive....and i cld just go on.. .jpg)
well it has been one year. one whole year without her around. even last nite i thought abt her, and a tear rolled down my eye..wetting my pillow...one tear became two, became three. i wished she was near me, to hear me, to wish me well, and to be protective over me. i know she will continue to do so, tho she is up there. she will always be looking out for me. and bringing me to greater heights. i love u granny. no other granny can replace her......ever..
and yeah, lets move on to the happier moments!
daddy's bday exclusive pictures!
we grabbed dad outta his bed, and ta da! surpriseeee...look at his youthful smile! he is my handsomest boyee..
<----nearly there... love u loads daddy, i promise to not nag at u...i know ive been a meanie too. :P cherish u alot alot. no words to describe how much u mean to me and mummy... *huggies*
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
20th dec.
today is the 20th dec. it was a fun filled day, had tuition frm 12pm till 2plus. had a quick lonely hainanese chicken rice lunch.. den met jr and left for cityhall..
pictures have yet to be included in this post.
so me wendy jr mavis start bowlin first. hilarious stuff man. i managed to do a strike. wahahah. ball keeps going longkang. no surprise there. and den, kenneth and suzyfriendly (like totally, rolls eyes) joins us. lots of hugs and byes when she had to leave us all early...but we plan to send her off..lets see how it goes.. 530am flight! and datuk trip! yayz, cant wait. *squeezes jr *
game 2. was proceeding slowly. took forever to end. sianness kicks in. head off to pizza hut. i had icecream. (forgot the name already, too much interference).... and a bit of pizza and 1 chickenwing.... and it was truly wonderful. i wish i was more intune with the proceedings of the day. brainactivity was getting disturbed. not a good feeling.
the mind has to be strong. i tell myself this repeatedly.
i went to this website. http://www.lilycat.net/virgo.html. learnt quite abit tonite. i strive to understand virgo's better. i really have to. it will help me, in vast amounts. :)
today was an okay-okay day for me. not to mention new bottle of matt tinted moisturizer and amir wants tuition! haa. gd stuff. i shall go read a book and grab a sandwich b4 i sleep.
sleeping is good. and im meeting hema at 430pm cityhall(again??! but this time, subway...yummy.) i need to catch up with this girl like totally.. missing her loads..
and ooh, friday, prayers plus pah's bday celeb. need to go buy cake after tuition.
den sat, need to go sch. and meet veena and kumaleeee ! arh, must ask her wadsup..
gdniteee..
im feeling better already...
:)
pictures have yet to be included in this post.
so me wendy jr mavis start bowlin first. hilarious stuff man. i managed to do a strike. wahahah. ball keeps going longkang. no surprise there. and den, kenneth and suzyfriendly (like totally, rolls eyes) joins us. lots of hugs and byes when she had to leave us all early...but we plan to send her off..lets see how it goes.. 530am flight! and datuk trip! yayz, cant wait. *squeezes jr *
game 2. was proceeding slowly. took forever to end. sianness kicks in. head off to pizza hut. i had icecream. (forgot the name already, too much interference).... and a bit of pizza and 1 chickenwing.... and it was truly wonderful. i wish i was more intune with the proceedings of the day. brainactivity was getting disturbed. not a good feeling.
the mind has to be strong. i tell myself this repeatedly.
i went to this website. http://www.lilycat.net/virgo.html. learnt quite abit tonite. i strive to understand virgo's better. i really have to. it will help me, in vast amounts. :)
today was an okay-okay day for me. not to mention new bottle of matt tinted moisturizer and amir wants tuition! haa. gd stuff. i shall go read a book and grab a sandwich b4 i sleep.
sleeping is good. and im meeting hema at 430pm cityhall(again??! but this time, subway...yummy.) i need to catch up with this girl like totally.. missing her loads..
and ooh, friday, prayers plus pah's bday celeb. need to go buy cake after tuition.
den sat, need to go sch. and meet veena and kumaleeee ! arh, must ask her wadsup..
gdniteee..
im feeling better already...
:)
Monday, December 18, 2006
heyoz.
another wet and wild day. wait ill take back the wild bit. theres nth wild abt this weather.. i am so cosy at home, and i am perpetually on my bed the whole day. cos everythings near me, my book, my bottle of icelemontea, my jug of milk, mp3 player, hp, vcds, charger, clock, blankie, stuffed doggie, lappie charger, earphones, pillows, u name it!!
haha, so prepared ay...
well right now im abit bored, i gotta go give tuition later, so i am still thinking when i shld start bathing, quite lazy at the moment. i am listening to songs, and chatting on msn.
HAIX. its tuesday, 2 days after the long awaited sunday. sigh. nth has happened. is that it? no way...
nearly day17 soon. how long more.. and the weather is getting terribler by the minute second hour wadever.. its just perpetually cold shivery and all.. now my nose is abit blocked... i haven finished reading my book yet. i always take ages with these kind of things. oh yea, i forgot my ntu login password so had to email to helpdesk@ntu.edu.sg with a photo of my matric card, my name etc. mission accomplished. must wait for their reply now. i cant even log on to Ntuwebmail..sadness. so this is striked off my to-do list.
blehh. and my tuition boy msgs me sayin" wad are u doing". he must be as bored as me. and the weather is making me stay rooted on my bed. uh-huh.
yay, finished watching a series of unfortunate events. very entertaining stuff. time just flew, flew so much that i onlyslept at 4am. and i cldnt make it for my early morning breakfast cum lunch session with hema at city hall because of the freaking rain! it NEVER stops lah.
"wasting precious time". i dont consider that what im doing at this present moment. i actually did alot with my holidays this time round. a holiday like never b4. indeed. well said......i didnt plan anything. just went with the flow. and everything fell in place nicely, perfectly.. except for one thing.....
come back come back fast!
:)
another wet and wild day. wait ill take back the wild bit. theres nth wild abt this weather.. i am so cosy at home, and i am perpetually on my bed the whole day. cos everythings near me, my book, my bottle of icelemontea, my jug of milk, mp3 player, hp, vcds, charger, clock, blankie, stuffed doggie, lappie charger, earphones, pillows, u name it!!
haha, so prepared ay...
well right now im abit bored, i gotta go give tuition later, so i am still thinking when i shld start bathing, quite lazy at the moment. i am listening to songs, and chatting on msn.
HAIX. its tuesday, 2 days after the long awaited sunday. sigh. nth has happened. is that it? no way...
nearly day17 soon. how long more.. and the weather is getting terribler by the minute second hour wadever.. its just perpetually cold shivery and all.. now my nose is abit blocked... i haven finished reading my book yet. i always take ages with these kind of things. oh yea, i forgot my ntu login password so had to email to helpdesk@ntu.edu.sg with a photo of my matric card, my name etc. mission accomplished. must wait for their reply now. i cant even log on to Ntuwebmail..sadness. so this is striked off my to-do list.
blehh. and my tuition boy msgs me sayin" wad are u doing". he must be as bored as me. and the weather is making me stay rooted on my bed. uh-huh.
yay, finished watching a series of unfortunate events. very entertaining stuff. time just flew, flew so much that i onlyslept at 4am. and i cldnt make it for my early morning breakfast cum lunch session with hema at city hall because of the freaking rain! it NEVER stops lah.
"wasting precious time". i dont consider that what im doing at this present moment. i actually did alot with my holidays this time round. a holiday like never b4. indeed. well said......i didnt plan anything. just went with the flow. and everything fell in place nicely, perfectly.. except for one thing.....
come back come back fast!
:)
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bleh.
at home,at the comp.
"hmmph*
casually slacking at home.
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